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Are you that special person who - weary from trudging the endless superhighways - just longs to camp next to a glorious oasis of the mind? Do you desire to explore new frontiers, splash in shared ideas, fill your belly with the refreshing fruits of inspiration, and bask in the gentle rays of fond reflection?

Well, you can fuck right off. This, my friends, is not that place. This place is... The ShadowLands.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Buy four

t-shirts and get a free IDF cap. Tell 'em MM sent you.

A story

in a headline.

On flag burning

For sports fans there are few things quite as satisfying as seeing the referee fall over.

For followers of international politics, the nearest equivalent is the person being injured during a flag burning - 'pon which Gateway has the latest.

The above map marks in blue where there have been no recorded burnings of the American flag. Clearly, there are limited opportunities left for virgin flag burnings, though most Africans seem to have better things to do. In Mongolia, reportedly, you are better off American than Chinese.

But what does it all mean? Urbansemiotic has this to say:
"American Flag burning is necessary and important to marking our future as it pocks our past... A burning flag should be reflected in our wet eyes as the voice of freedom singing against the darkening air of repression."

DPRK update

Kim Jong Il has expressed great satisfaction over the splendid ideological fighting spirit of revolutionary and militant volleyball players, after attending a recent match.

Meanwhile, the next generation of DPRK athletes are already demonstrating unsurpassed wading skills.

And meanwhile, meanwhile, North Korea's Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of Korea has blamed the South for pushing the two countries to the brink of a war.

Circulation spike

Overheard at the supermarket:

"You don't normally buy the (Sydney Morning) Herald?"

"I'm out of paper for the rabbit cage."

Community Service Announcement

The ShadowLands regrets to announce that the ninth annual Third Crossing Sled Dog Rendezvous near Frazee, Minnesota has been cancelled because of excessive snow.

The Frazee Sled Dog Club has planned the next race for Friday and Saturday, Jan 22-23, 2010.

Quelle surprise

It will come as no surprise to the uber-cool readers of The ShadowLands (pictured above left) that climate scepticism is "the new black". And why is it so? Check out the alternative...(via Timster)

Friday, January 30, 2009


Werribee style...

MM's complainin' heart

Dear ABC Corporate Affairs

On the PM program, Karen Barlow stated:

"The damage to Gaza's buildings is clear to see. Tens of thousands have been levelled or will have to be bulldozed."
This unsourced statement about the number of destroyed buildings is not good enough. Says who? Certainly not the UN - as the BBC reported:

"UN official John Ging said half a million people had been without water since the conflict began, and huge numbers of people were without power.

Four thousand homes are ruined and tens of thousands of people are homeless."

Yours sincerely


Dear MM (with MM's responses in brackets)

Thank you for your email. (No sweat, don't mention it.) The ABC acknowledges your concern with this report and agrees the reporter's statement should have been attributed. The figure was sourced from the Palestinian Central Bureau of Statistics. I have attached a link to the site for your reference.

(Oooh er, sounds official! Hang on a moment 17,000 from their own bodgy figures are partially damaged, not "will have to be levelled or destroyed". The link says 17,000 buildings were partially damaged to a total value of US$82 million - that is average damage to a value of around $4,800. You have taken figures from a dubious organisation, not acknowledged the source, and then lied or exaggerated about them.)

An editor's note has been attached to the online transcript of the report alerting the audience to this fact. (According to the source of the story, your report is wrong - how about you alert the audience to this fact.)

The ABC notes that at the time of this report, no other alternative or independent estimate of structural damage in Gaza was available, owing to Israel's refusal to allow access into Gaza during its offensive.

(Why is it that Egypt is not also responsible? - they have a border with Gaza - your bias is showing. And are you saying that Karen Barlow was never in Gaza when she made the report? She said the "damage is clear to see". WTF?)

Thank you for allowing the ABC the opportunity to respond to your concerns.

Yours sincerely

ABC Audience and Consumer Affairs

(Spare us the faux politeness. See you at the Complaints Review Committee, dickwad.)

Blair nervous

Mr Tim Blair emerged from the Victorian town of Werribee some years ago to become the Godfather of Australian blogging. He has more than a few devoted readers, and regularly wins awards for having the best blog in Australia.

But how long can this kind of adulation last? A new challenge has arisen, and amazingly, it's from his own home town.

From the title down, this here blog is a sensation...

All of which begs the question, what do they put in the water down there?

Familiar landmarks from unfamiliar positions

A rearview of Mt Rushmore.

(from Director Blue via Dogfight)

The hardest word

Apology is a lovely perfume that can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift. Take it away Paco.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The holocaust...

did not begin in the gas chambers, it began with words.
Nazism succeeded, not only because of the 'bureaucrat- ization of genocide,' as Robert Lifton put it, but because of the trahison des clercs - the complicity of the elites: physicians, church leaders, judges, lawyers, engineers, architects, educators and the like.
And one more thing (via Israellycool)

It's a car ad

Still funny though.

What am I bid for JJJ?

John Butler of the John Butler Trio expounds on Australia's compulsory pay youth radio network:

This time of year, we are reminded of Triple J for two reasons:

One is that on the annual trip up the Pacific Highway, there comes a time somewhere between Taree and Kempsey when you can't pick up any radio stations. Usually through the miasma, loud and clear comes the sound of rock music. The first song will usually be some grungy, white middle class male singing tunelessly about something or other. And so will the next, and the next. If you hang around long enough to listen to the announcer, you will note that they sound as bored as you are (hard as that may be to conceive) - and then the call sign - "You're listening to Triple J".

But only because you absolutely have to.

The other reason we are reminded of Triple J at this time of year is their annual Hottest 100. Self-proclaimed as the world's largest annual music poll, it could also double as the musical selection for StormFront Youth. While Australia's pop music charts would generally include (maybe) 30 per cent black artists, those searching for black artists in JJJ's hottest 100 list are risking serious eye strain.

Ironically you will see Aboriginal flags all over their website, but no Aboriginal artist - like Jessica Mauboys - who is prominent in the current national charts.

This year the number one song is that cautionary tale of fire safety, Sex on Fire by the Kings of Leon. Not that there's anything wrong with that - people should be allowed to be honest about their musical preferences. It's just that it tells us a great deal about Triple J's demographic, white, male, middle class, homogenous, confused. The song that sums it all up would be this year's number 23.

That's if Triple J could be described as having any demographic at all. As this post points out, more 18-24 year olds listen to golden oldie stations.

The reason no-one listens to the station is that it's duller than the Michelle Grattan Variety Hour. It has come to this because the luvvies who produce it have no targets to meet, no reason to entertain their audience, and no fucking idea how to do it anyway. It's exactly why socialism doesn't work.

One of the major arguments for the existence of Triple J is that it encourages talent. However, the truth is that it encourages a much greater number of untalented artists. We would all be better off if they were focused on trying to produce music someone might pay to listen to, or else looking for some kind of gainful employment.

The sale of the ABC would raise and free up billions of dollars for Australia - money we could use for something useful, like a new dam, or even a golden toothpick and earwax spoon for every one of us.

Triple J deserves a position at number one - but only as a lot number at that great ABC auction of our dreams.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

World sports update

If this is any guide, it appears unlikely there will be any net benefits to gross national happiness, however let it be recorded that Bhutan now has a disc golf club.

Kim says hi

No word yet on whether Quentin said hi back.

The interesting life and times of Maqsood Alshams

A well-placed Bangladeshi friend of The ShadowLands, who wishes to remain anonymous, emails to say Maqsood Alshams' story is worth closer examination:

"He claims that he was forced to leave the country in mid 1995 when he was working for a news service patronised by the Bangladesh Nationalist Party and also working as the party's adviser. He says he was forced to leave the country due to the threats of the opponent political terrorists and armed attacks on him. However his party was running the government from 1991-1996 with an almost two thirds majority.

I wonder why his party (the incumbent government) could not save him or give him protection? And with his press credentials he could not make an uproar in the local media? The then opposition Awami League got majority to form a government in an election in 1996 and was in office until 2001, which probably made his case stronger. BNP was re-elected in October 2001 with two third majority and governed till 2006."

Activist exposes intolerance

"Are Australians tolerant of other races?" asks the Inner West Courier, in this 2008 article, based on the thoughts of former Bangladeshi asylum seeker, Maqsood Alshams:
"He said the attitude of some Liberal MPs during the Howard administration...had led to the perception that Australia was racist.

"We're tired of hearing these things," he said.
Now it turns out Mr Alshams is in the news once again.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What I did on Australia Day

MM enjoyed an outstanding and profitable Australia Day. The busy day of celebrations was topped off with a night of environmental appreciation. I took this photo of my tired but satisfied companions for the historical record.

Hey, news types

As well as believing in a range of shamanic rituals involving marsupials, we at The ShadowLands have long believed that we lead the news agenda.

Well news folks - here is one of the most significant unreported news stories:

More than 3 million people around the world have now been born using in-vitero fertilisation techniques, and numbers are rapidly increasing. In Australia, as reported here, on average, one IVF conceived kid may now be found in every classroom.

People suffer from infertility for a range of reasons - but a significant percentage are infertile because of their genetics.

The development of IVF and other reproductive technologies means that in countries like Australia, there will be increasing numbers of people who inherit sub-fertility. It means that if your fertile child marries a genetically sub-fertile person (or "subbies" as I like to call them), your grandchildren and their offspring may be destined to never reproduce naturally. They and their children will become a permanent part of this sub-fertile population.

News reports about this are few and far between, presumably because labelling IVF children (or "clonies", as I like to call them) is seen as insensitive. Doctors in the field are unlikely to waste too much time discussing ethics, as they simply will not have much of it to waste, what with all the cashed up subbie clonies knocking on their doors.

And what will happen if this growing community does not have the cash to reproduce? Not to overstate things at all, but MM has seen the future and it looks like this...

The angels who couldn't shoot straight

Exactly how good are angels at waging war? Sandmonkey investigates.


It's the story of the hybrid bus that never came.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Iron Dome

Although strangely not as satisfying as Raid Gaza, this new flash game is entertaining, and the graphics are excellent. Have a go at Iron Dome!

For ultimate satisfaction, try Iron Dome first, then kick some serious Hamas butt with Raid Gaza.


Happy Australia Day, cobbers.

It's all about gas

As previously noted, the Russians have been trying to use a monopoly on natural gas to throw its rapidly diminishing weight around Europe, and nearly bankrupting itself in the process.

That is why this here could have enormous significance for the region.

UPDATE: Thanks 'strop in comments for this link.

"I do indeed believe that this little gas quarrel will be seen by future historians as the beginning of the end of Russia’s neo-imperial quest -- and of Putin himself as the leader that personified it."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

We get there first

Full credit to ShadowLands' columnist, John Butler of the John Butler Trio for not only correctly forecasting the winner of Australian of the Year, but already editorialising about it. The only thing to celebrate about the choice of Australian of the Year is that it was not Peter Cundall.

The ShadowLands - where you get the news before it happens.

UPDATE: They're jumping on the ShadowLands' bandwagon from everywhere.

Spelling not strength of the nation

The introductory paragraph on a January 25 media release on the Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd's website currently reads as follows:

"At a morning tea in honour of the Australian of the Year finalists, the Prime Minister quoted John Curtain, saying that the people of the nation are the 'strength of the nation'."
For those of you not familiar with Australian history or interior decorating, this is one of Mr Rudd's most distinguished predecessors, and this is a curtain.

Now we know why Rudd's staff are getting the big bucks.

Where the suspects are nervous

It is hard to know what to believe any more when you read Nigeria's Saturday Champion after it made a ridiculous claim that police are holding a sheep in custody on suspicion of armed robbery.

However, the photograph in the Vanguard, clearly shows the ungulate of interest is a goat.

Integration achieved

French soldiers refusing to fight? Sounds like the first signs of integration.

Friday, January 23, 2009

How it is

"Let us make this simple. If the first thing that moves you to outrage after years of reading my blog is some nitpicking defence of Bill Moyers while free people are subject to years of bombardment by men who would cut off your head for being a Jew then your politics do not meet even the low bar of fascism. You may be a well educated man. You may be a kind man. You may even be a good man (such is for God to judge). But you are intellectually and morally retarded."

Time wasting: a ShadowLands investigation

Lazy employees wasting time on the internet at work are costing us billions of dollars.

One of the worst culprits for this behaviour is the internet - a new fangled thing involving computers - don't ask us to explain. And research shows that Friday afternoons are amongst the most common times when employees waste time on the internet.

In a special investigation, the ShadowLands has gone undercover to find places where employees might waste their time. Don't believe us? Then look at:


However a union spokesperson said some websites can also provide valuable information for employees at work such as:

Special subject - the bleeding obvious

It is a sad indictment on the MSM that the bleeding obvious still needs to be said.



Thursday, January 22, 2009


Are you a lefty who needs to explain why you were marching in a protest with nazis? Or have you been involved in some other morally indefensible activities?

You need the excuse-o-mat!

Someone else should probably do something: GG

Australian Governor General, Quentin Bryce (pictured) has said someone ought to do something about climate change.

Ms Bryce joined thousands of visitors from all over the world in Abu Dhabi (UAE) - the world's second highest emitter of carbon per capita and developer of some of the world's lowest lying islands.

At time of writing, it was unclear at which hotel Her Excellency was staying.

Honeymoon over

As well as stumbling over his swearing in, American Thinker notes that Barack Obama told an untruth in the second paragraph of his inaugural address.

Two million's a crowd

There is no question there was a huge number of people at Obama's inauguration, but was there really 1.5 (or as reported in Australia) 2 million people? Anyone who has been to a large sporting event will know that 100,000 people also looks pretty damn impressive.

If it's true that the crowd was 1.5 million, it needs to have been more than 16 times larger than this crowd of 93,000.

There is a revealing statement in the last sentence about crowd counts here - namely, they are greatly influenced by political pressure.

For these reasons, and because when it comes to crowds, journalists are generally lying liars who like to lie, The ShadowLands is willing to say with confidence - bollocks

All the same, some amazing satellite photos of the inauguration here.

UPDATE: If every individual stood a loose arm's length from each other, it "is at least physically possible to pack something approaching 2 million Americans into the 2.1-mile stretch between the Capitol steps and Lincoln's feet." However, if you check the aerial photos, you will see this is not even close.

The ShadowLands says: the crowd was about 600,000.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Last hurrah

It is a sad day for Bush-haters everywhere, with cartoonists struggling to find material, and others needing to fill an emotional void.

Our friends at the Korean Friendship Association have taken some time out for a fond farewell - including some animations that are apparently their answer to Team America.

The trouble is...

that when you have a headline this good, the story is likely to lead to disappointment.

Nothing to mock

It's going to be four long years for cartoonists.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Socio-political activities brisk

University students in the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea are doing their bit in seething realities by carrying vast amounts of manure with peasants.

More here...

Your vote really can make a difference

For some reason, the English version of this Kyrgyzstan news service's online polls have virtually no votes. By voting, you can cause tremendous swings, and provide important feedback to this consonant-challenged republic.

Quote o' the day

"If you don’t count the 20+ rockets and mortar shells that were fired into Israel yesterday, the ceasefire is holding." Israellycool.

Well, the ABC clearly does not count them.

What's more, this quote immediately sounds like bollocks:
KAREN BARLOW: The damage to Gaza's buildings is clear to see. Tens of thousands have been levelled or will have to be bulldozed.

and almost certainly is bollocks, as the BBC reports:

UN official John Ging said half a million people had been without water since the conflict began, and huge numbers of people were without power.

Four thousand homes are ruined and tens of thousands of people are homeless.

Looks like it may be time to visit one of our favourite websites once again.

UPDATE: Israel's first rocket-free day now recorded.

Son of a gun

Hearty congratulations to winners during day one of the Australian Open tennis singles, including Djokovic, Tomic, Berdych, Jankovic, Dokic, Ivanovic, Petkovic and Erakovic.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Know your beach

English Pravda is running a photo essay of Sydney beaches, however I sincerely doubt that the beach in the first photograph is in Sydney. Does anyone know where it is?

UPDATE: Sydney and Republic of Congo ruled out.

Russian rumblings

If you thought the Russians would be the one group of people on Earth to understand by now that the nationalisation of goods and services is not such a good idea, then have yourself a read of this - a breathtaking tale of Putin's economic incompetence.

What are the odds that we could see a Russian revolution in 2009?

It's a small world after all

Macquarie University, on the north western outskirts of Sydney, has developed a hard-won reputation as being a university you can get into even if you fail at high school.

Take Antony Loewenstein - please - whose few claims to legitimacy include being on the Board of the Centre for Middle East and North African Studies.

Now here's someone (reportedly a Masters student) Loewie might well meet in the corridors of Macquarie's Department of Politics and International Relations - yet another clear case of Blair's Law in action.

'tard time

Tim Blair notes an astounding photo from a Melbourne protest.

Here's another one from Sydney - the photo itself is somewhat less notable than the caption.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Cue the chirping noises

So Hamas has broken the cease fire.

Here comes the chorus of international organisations calling on Hamas to end hostilities, right?

Meanwhile, the kiwis are being dags, once again.

UPDATE: Learning the lessons of history via Israellycool. Money quote: "Terrorism is a cancer that can’t be cured through 'proportional' treatments. It requires invasive surgery."

UPDATE II: The latest trend in fauxtography.

Breaking news

President-elect Barack Obama has eaten a hotdog. More news as it comes to hand.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Due to popular demand

MM's shot at the inaugural address:

My fellow Americans

I am delighted to join with you today in what will be remembered as the greatest demonstration of freedom in my lifetime.

We have witnessed first hand how the old way of doing things has led us to the precipice of destruction. But today I stand before you as President. I promised change, and from today, I will deliver.

One thing we know: our children's children will look back on this as an historic day - and what will they say? Well frankly, I don’t care what children say because I’m the adult and I make the decisions.

For too long I have been beholden to the beliefs of the Democratic Party, and been forced to pretend to care about whether or not balloons are biodegradable, or about the food miles on my canapés or some other childish bullshit. Give me a break.

You may have noticed that my election policies have been removed from my website. That is because I am President now, and I wanted them removed.

Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to fulfil my promise to bring our soldiers home. We will be doing this next week, just before letting off multiple thermo-nuclear weapons across the Arab nations, starting with Gaza, then moving on to Iran – hell, why not do it simultaneously. North Korea and Venezuela? Thinking, thinking…

We will then hand over the land to Israel for planting citrus, with a view to piping fresh juice into every home and park in this great nation.

I told you ladies and gentlemen, that change has come to America.

When the soldiers come home, they can set to work updating our infrastructure and setting up machine guns at our borders to keep out illegal immigrants. Sure, the Canadians might not be so keen on this idea, but they will understand that change has come.

I will also abolish all government welfare, except for the old-age pension, and tell all the lard-ass tax-payer funded leeches and excuse-making drug addicted cockroaches to get up off their shiny behinds and to earn an honest living for a change. Hey, for some people, it will not just be about change, it will be all about getting some change.

Same goes for our industries. Sorry guys, but if you can’t earn an honest buck by yourself, then the American taxpayer can’t help you.

With the savings and, hey - just imagine the savings from these few initiatives - I will abolish the current tax arrangements and institute a flat 10 per cent income tax rate.

Ladies and gentlemen, it also gives me enormous pleasure to abolish global warming. Anyone who mentions it from now on can expect punitive measures, including being sent to the middle east to water the oranges.

I know some of you were concerned about my appointment of a socialist as head of the global warming department. Don’t worry, no-one else will be in the department. Her job will be to go to the conferences and just talk socialist crap for days on end.

Come with me as we meet the challenges of the future. Come with me into a future without war, without people taking advantage of tax-payers, and without all that tiresome environmental bullshit.

Finally, I ask for a short silence for Senator Joe Biden who is being decapitated as I speak. That’s enough, thank you. And a big Washington welcome to my old friend, Mr Karl Rove, who will be taking over as Vice-President.

Like I said, change has come to America. Really, I wasn’t kidding.

May God Bless You, and May God Bless the United States of America.

Missed this the first time

while I was on holidays, but it's worth another look (from BOAB).

Meanwhile, on the subject of Gaza, Theo presents another great cartoon.

Name that President

A legacy of President [xxxx] will be that he saved 10 million lives around the world.

His critics ignore it, but name another president about whom one can say that with such certainty.

Obama's inaugural address

Let it not be said that The ShadowLands never does anything for Barack Obama. With only a few sleeps left, Margo's Maid has drafted an inaugural address for him over thissaways.

(Unfortunately, I cannot link to it directly. Go to "browse", then search for "Margo's Maid").

Gaza update

One of the few bloggers around who has lived in Gaza makes some poignant observations.

ShadowLands an open book

An article by David Marr in the Sydney Morning Herald has alerted the ShadowLands to the fact that the Australian Productivity Commission is taking public submissions about a proposed loosening of restrictions in book publishing.

MM has taken the liberty of making this submission on behalf of The ShadowLands:

Of course, we should have an open book market as soon as possible.

A quick message to Australian publishers and authors: dry your eyes princesses, the pain you feel is just weakness leaving your body.

Collecting with the UN

Whether we realise it or not, most of us are collectors. This is not surprising, considering our history as hunters and gatherers.

Motivations vary, but what we collect – whether it be photos or electric guitars – tells us much about ourselves and our society. In exactly the same way, an institution like a church or a museum may collect things in order to create a corporate identity.

Now, let's check in on one of the more unusual collections.

Friday, January 16, 2009

And it's a big but...

One of our gallant soldiers in Afghanistan has become the first Australian soldier in 40 years to win the Victoria Cross.

Barely has the ink dried on his citation and the whining has begun. Larvatus Prodeo, one of Australia's leading online sheltered workshops, starts off surprisingly well:

The account is of an extraordinary display of courage by Trooper Donaldson - it’s the kind of act that the word “heroic” is actually appropriate for, and I’m sure he’ll wear his deserved honour with pride. If he’s ever in the same pub I’m in, let me get at the start of the line to shout him a beer.

However, you just know that the word "but" is about to appear in a big way:

But let’s not confuse the bravery of this individual soldier - and all the other Australian soldiers currently serving in Afghanistan - with the wisdom or otherwise of the mission. It is becoming ever less clear, in the face of President-elect Obama’s plans to commit additional military forces to Afghanistan (and the likelihood of more requests for Australian troops), what the multinational force in Afghanistan is going to achieve, and how it is going to achieve it.

I don't know what they might achieve, maybe more of the same, like lowering infant mortality, reopening schools to girls, providing one less place for bin Laden to hide, and fighting the enemy on their front line instead of ours.

Now standby for the comments from various Internet Tough Guys, like this one:

The ‘bravery’ of serving in a technologically advanced first world army with the ability to call in air strikes that has invaded and occupied the fifth least developed nation in the world. Give me a break. I thought this was a left-wing blog?

UPDATE: At #42 a dickhead comment for the ages:
"They never tell you how many soldiers picked up V.D. on duty but a V.C. and they shout from the rooftops."

UPDATE II: MM at number #65 tries to out-dickhead the dickhead at #63. It takes an effort.

Freedom of choice

Thursday, January 15, 2009

What's your flavour, son?

As one commenter says: "This video shows nothing, it shows a guy grabbing a kid, maybe he's taking him out for ice cream."

Kids these days

say the darndest things! (patience, it's a pdf) via kids against agw.

Find the dude

Where is the nude dude? via Miss Red.

Climate facts with Kev

In the same interview where Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd wrongly asserted that Australia is the hottest and driest continent, he also said this:
PM KEVIN RUDD: Well, I just look at what the scientists say. There's a group of scientists called the International Panel on Climate Change - 4000 of them. Guys in white coats who run around and don't have a sense of humour. They just measure things. And what they say to us is it's happening and it's caused by human activity.

Now, it turns out there aren't 4,000 scientists from the IPCC.

UPDATE: More climate change style accounting from BOAB.

A neat summary

from kae.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Is there anything

you can't do with meat?

Pants on fire

In today's Australian newspaper, tosspot Neil Clark writes:

"Last Saturday, along with at least 100,000 others, I took part in a huge anti-Israel demonstration in London..."
Oh yeah? Let's have a little checkie-loo. The key part:

"The Metropolitan Police said between 10,000 and 12,000 people attended the march, but organisers claimed the figure was as high as 75,000."
Not even the organisers agree that he is telling the truth on this one.

A history lesson

in a graphic via Richard Mcenroe in Tim Blair's comments...

(This is also a fine rebuttal to this clap-trap.)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Internet winning in Gaza

What Israel is doing to Hamas is being parallelled by what the blogosphere is doing to the mainstream media during the Gaza conflict.

Chances are you will not have seen or heard about any of these things in the mainstream media:

Israellycool on, amongst other things:

* Israel's attempts to avoid civilian casualties

* The latest ridiculous fauxtography

LGF on

* Hamas rockets during a ceasefire.

While the MSM ignore these stories, they become increasingly irrelevant.

(By the by, show your support for Israel here.)

Last chance hotel

Small Dead Animals is fewer than 100 votes short in the Best Conservative Blog category. Do your worst ShadowLanders!

UPDATE: The Shadowlanche has had an effect! From 90 behind, SDA surges to a five vote lead last time I checked!

UPDATE II: Uh oh, behind by 50 again.

UPDATE III: and it looks like... a win!

Our worst Australian of the Year since Farnsie

By ShadowLands celebrity columnist, John Butler of the John Butler Trio...

Aboriginal activist, Mick Dodson will be named Australian of the Year on 26 January.

How do we know? Betting has been suspended after Professor Dodson suddenly became a firm favourite. Bookmakers always know when they are being diddled, so I will stake my hard-earned spotless reputation on this outcome.

Dodson will be our worst Australian of the Year since it emerged that mullet-encrusted singer and Australian of the Year, John Farnham was actually an Englishman who was a resident of England. A bit harsh? Not at all. There is no doubting Dodson has been a long-time advocate of Aboriginal people. But to what end?

A search of quotations or significant speeches by Dodson comes up short of anything beyond his belief that Aborigines should get land rights, more government help, and self governing bodies like ATSIC.

In short, his beliefs are the beliefs that guided the failed policies of the last 30 years. In fact "failed" is not the right word - try disastrous.

Remote Aboriginal communities across Australia where land rights were granted, where public housing was provided, where people were supported by government money, where outsiders were not allowed in without a permit, where local councils were formed to run their own affairs - in short, all the things that Mick Dodson has fought for - have been a disaster.

Reports show that nearly every remote Aboriginal community suffers from terrible alcohol problems and unspeakable child abuse. Despite this, Dodson opposed the interventions introduced by John Howard, and his record in providing alternatives is unclear, to say the least.

When it comes to Aboriginal activists, the man who towers above them all is Noel Pearson. While Pearson is clearly no-one's lap-dog, he believes in working to end the reliance on handouts for Aboriginal people. He was instrumental in calling for the intervention - an action which may have saved scores of Aboriginal children from abuse.

Pearson is a revolutionary in the sense that he is the first indigenous leader to talk about responsibilities as well as rights. Clearly, he should be Australian of the Year.

How much longer must we suffer?

Enough is enough! Sign the petition.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Psssst - hey bud, come here

That's right, bud, I'm talkin' to you - I ain't gonna shout across the room. Say, you ain't with the fuzz by any chance, now are you? Good. You wanna come to my joint and watch some plasma?


I am not sure what this story from the Bhutan Observer is about, but the introductory paragraph is a front-runner for lead-in of the year.

An unfortunate headline

MM had only just been over at Tizonas commenting on the relative merits of rugby league and union - and making a flippant comment about the game they play in heaven - when this happens.

Moral equivalence 101

The IDF has found a booby trapped school in Gaza - here is the video.

Meanwhile, try this web search.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

'puter learnin'

* Mark Steyn on Palestinian rocket science.

* Boy, that Dalai Lama is a prat, isn't he? And the Chinese Government - certainly can't fault them on human rights. Could they be the best and fairest administration on Earth? I certainly think so, and I'm sure you will too.

* BOAB on the demographics of Boggabilla (yes, really - ain't the internet the darndest thing?) and on fire with the citizen journalism.

* Paco says google is killing the planet - cool!

Politics explained

From Israellycool:

This joke explains all you need to know about Israeli-Palestinian politics.

What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
The German - carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, drinks tea and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

How to think and then what to do

There are five days left to vote in the weblog awards.

Only a handful of votes may decide the Best Conservative Blog, and I am sending mine to Small Dead Animals, a spirited and entertaining blog from Canada. Your vote could help bridge a small gap.

Zoe Brain has gone to a respectable third position for Best Australian Blog following endorsement by the Timbarumba, though his lead looks unassailable at this stage.

SMH falls for hoax

The Sydney Morning Herald has fallen for a scientific hoax by failing to check its facts, only three days after accusing conservative journal, Quadrant of the same thing.

Today, the SMH published an opinion piece, with the second last sentence reading as follows:

"Although Australia's small population means our overall contribution to greenhouse emissions is small, we remain the highest per capita emitter in the world, 35 per cent greater than the US according to a recent UN report."

However, there is no such report. Australia ranks about 13th and the United States about 10th. Google it - there is no United Nations report which says Australia has emissions 35 per cent higher than the United States, or any UN report that says Australia is the highest per capita emitter in the world.

Here is the direct link to the UN stats.

Lustre disappoints

Exactly how lustrous will Obama's ball prove to be? Pundits are pessimistic.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Corrupt, debauched, debased...

perverted and depraved: all words that could rightfully be used in connection to blog awards in which The ShadowLands is not nominated.

But while we're on the subject, it may be worth scanning these blog awards, if only to check up on what's out there and register our haughty disdain.

Of note:

* The Timbonator leading the Australian field despite possibly being the only nominated blog that refuses to encourage anyone to vote, or even mention the awards. Last year Blair's blog won a narrower contest against Fairfax's Sam de Brito who, every year, all but offers each reader a line of Colombian marching powder in return for a vote. In addition to the fact that de Brito is a tool, the added readership from Blair's move to a News Ltd portal has seen a gap develop. This year a gadget website is giving Blair a run for his money, probably with the aid of amassed vengeful anti-Blair forces.

* Sacked from the Best Canadian Blog section because it wins too easily, Small Dead Animals is in the tough Best Conservative Blog section and making a pretty good fist of it with the help of some votes from The ShadowLands. It's a close run thing...

* A good old fashioned stoush in the Best Middle East or Africa blog currently being dominated by Israel supporters. While Michael Totten appears to have it won this year, The ShadowLands is voting for our Australian link, Israellycool - in our humble opinion, probably the best blog in any field at the moment in light of its proximity to events in Gaza. Most amusing is the instinctive victimhood and thumb-sucking by fellow nominee, Juan Cole who would have been a shoo-in for Best Unintentional Humour Blog had they seen fit to provide the category. Cole, who has previous form, is blaming Karl Rove.

* A perplexing lack of talent in nominations from the UK.

* And none of the nominations in the Humour category are a patch on Chase Me Ladies...

UPDATE: The Blairmeister caves to crushing pressure from the influential ShadowLands website to acknowledge the awards by urging readers to vote for Zoe Brain. Zoe has a fine blog and this would be a good outcome, but how influential will this timprimatur prove to be?

What a bunch

of deadset tards...and full credit to the lone demonstrator who beat them at their own media battle.

Some background on the tard herder here.

via Israellycool

Thursday, January 8, 2009

MSM correction o' the week

Yesterday, Australia's mainstream media ran extensively with a story about a lifeguard being chased by a hammerhead shark.

Today, the St George and Sutherland Shire Leader ran this item in its In Brief section (no link available):

"A hammerhead shark spotted by water police off Cronulla on Tuesday was about 30 centimetres long, [something like this] a Sutherland Shire Council spokeswoman said...a police report on the matter released through media channels had been blown out of proportion."

Warming update

2007: "the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and other reefs around the globe are expected to face significant loss in species diversity as the coral and the animals that thrive on it, like trout and perch, die off by the year 2020..."

2008: "Hundreds of new marine creatures, including as many as 150 soft corals, have been discovered in three Australian reefs, scientists report."

In possibly related news, the latest sea ice data.

Consider yourself challenged

Although conceived as a critique of Israel, if the names in the high score section are anything to go by, the flash game Raid Gaza is fast being adopted by supporters of Israel as their own.

Having gotten some tips from readers (use the buttons in the headquarters section often), MM has managed to take out 940 Palestinians at a cost of 32 Israeli casualties. Can you do better?

For the winner - the acclaim of the people, and unchallenged status as Internet Tough Guy.

Meanwhile, some analysis of the latest news by Jules Crittenden and some more news agency hijinks here.

It's so typical...

The nations of the world spend billions in an attempt to protect future generations from global warming, and it turns out that the future generations just want to go somewhere warm. Ungrateful little shits...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

HoWARd's final insult

REUTERS: Former Australian Prime Minister, John "Herod" Howard has thrown American President-elect Barack Obama and his poor dusky-coloured children into the streets.

Mr Howard who was in Washington during September 11, 2001 - saying shortly afterwards, "Now is not the time to be an 80 per cent ally" - is in Washington to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Mr Howard is expected to stay in prestigious lodgings at the White House named after a notorious right wing Australian blogger, and dine on plastic turkey.

It is unknown at this stage where Mr Obama and his family will stay, but at the time of going to press, officials from Mr Howard's office had not denied the possibility of making them sleep on the streets.

Problem solving in Gaza

Worried about the middle east? Feeling helpless? Wrongski- there is something you can do. It's time for flash games!!!!

This game can be enjoyed by budding Loewensteins who are into ironic political commentary, but you will find it is even better for blood-thirsty RWDBs.

UPDATE: MM accounted for 274 Palestinians in one game. Can you do better?

My Cellulite

I love a sunburnt beer-belly,

A land of jiggling fadoobadahs,

Of ragged muffin tops, and flowing triple chins,

I love her handles for getting hold of, cankles running free,

Her beauty and her terror -

The wiiiide brown land for me.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

2009 with Professor Tim

Celebrity palaeontologist, warmenist and former Australian of the Year, Professor Tim Flannery has very kindly provided us with this article about his predictions for 2009. Take it away Professor Tim:

Those in the isles long besieged
Will take vigor and force against their enemies:
Those outside dead overcome by hunger,
They will be put in greater hunger than ever before.

The good old man buried quite alive,
Near the great river through false suspicion:
The new old man ennobled by riches,
Captured on the road all his gold for ransom.

When the cripple will attain to the realm,
For his competitor he will have a near bastard:
He and the realm will become so very mangy
That before he recovers, it will be too late.

They will be on terms of such disagreement
As to delight in the wretches of Nola
Complaining of having mocked its chief.
From distant swords lands wet with blood:
Very great plague will come with the great shell,
Relief near, and the remedies very far.

2009 shall be a year of many conferences
My flights many to Copenhagen, Perth
and Hawaii with my eager research assistants
Our last chances to save the World
Until next year.

Women's rights with Germaine

As usual, women around the world are facing some very serious issues.

Time to check in on what Germaine Greer has to say.

Monday, January 5, 2009


is a terrible thing for its innocent victims, yet I was compelled to vote for the answer about the Snoopy dance.

World news round-up

Enviro-politics, Belfast style.

A gourmet dining experience in Mongolia... as well as a grand headline, includes a puzzling reference (considering this the Ulan Bator Post), to the chiko roll.

Why does the international reputation of the Kyrgyz composers lag so poorly behind Kazakhstan? All is revealed here plus an appalling toupee.

There's a solution to this dilemma somewhere, but I just can't put my finger on it.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Holiday fun

It's 30 years young, but how long is it since you played space invaders?

or perhaps you prefer pacman, frogger, donkey kong or my favourite, asteroids.

Then there's the game for a new millennium - Super Obama...

Check out some Top Tips...

How to hug.

Hey, did I ever mention how much I really, really appreciate you?

It's Bus of the Week time.

The wide world of rude hand gestures

Written 'pon silence, music is the poetry of the air.

Speaking of poetry, it may not be too late to make an entry in the General Than Shwe Poetry Competition.