Miss Earth - the search for intelligent life

"I was born in Albania during the communist regime and our family had to move to Greece where I suffered discrimination in my school. This taught me the value of respect for people and environment." Miss Albania

Personally, my take-home message would have been that commos and Greeks are dipshits. MM

"The sudden loss of my grandfather was very tough to deal with but that experience taught me to appreciate everyone and everything around me. We must treasure and save our natural resources while they’re still here." Miss Australia

You mean, saving our resources when they're gone is a bad idea? MM

"I was a carefree child then who failed in school when I didn’t study hard. Since then, I learned that man cannot achieve his dream without working hard for it. Good environment is every man’s dream. Let us work hard for it." Miss Botswana

Who would have thunk someone so poorly educated could make it to this competition?

"While growing up I read the motto 'Life is a box of chocolate, you will never know what you’ll get tomorrow.' It inspired me and made me realize that my life is short, but I can enrich it so that I can do what I really love - to be a model-environmentalist." Miss China

You mean, you were inspired by the wisdom of a fictional retard?

"I remember when I was a child I used to have a plant which always grew flowers. The flowers always made me happy. I would just talk to them whenever I felt sad. As a grown-up now, the forests and all its blooms occupy a special place in my heart." Miss Colombia

Yes, Colombian plants are known to inspire all kinds of behaviour.

"I come from a country that owns a big basin that helps in the upkeep of the ozone layer. I myself campaign against pollution of air and environment. I am committed to being a part of my country’s effort to save the environment." Miss Republic of Congo

Sorry sweetie, but I think you've mixed up the greenhouse thing and the ozone thing. Never mind - anyone from that shit-hole is doing well just to be alive.

"When my best friend left me because she heard something bad about me that wasn’t true, it really made me feel sad. Despite that, I didn’t feel alone since my family was there for me. I love my family that teaches me everything I must learn in this world." Miss Czech Republic

You're dissing your ex-friend at Miss Earth? Beee-yaatch!

"I grew up watering plants with my mother every morning. I enjoyed it and I learned to love nature more. Now as a grown-up woman, I’m continuing the values that I learned by making people aware of their acts against nature." Miss Dominican Republic

Can your eyelids get any droopier? They weren't hydroponic plants you were watering, by any chance were they?

"I worked as a fish chopper in a fish factory and grew up with my twin brothers. Growing up with the lush natural resources of Finland around me and the support of my family taught me to always find ways to preserve these precious blessings." Miss Finland

You're talking about freezing, smoking or just adding crumbs and a squeeze of lemon, right?

"I couldn’t walk right due to a spinal problem. My therapy sessions required me to give up my gymnastics till I got well. I learned that we have to make sacrifices in order to protect our health. What must we sacrifice for our environment?" Miss Georgia

I'm guessing air travel to the Philippines isn't one of the things on your list, is it sugar?

"My saddest experience as a child was when I lost my dog. When I pondered about it, I could not imagine what it would be like to lose something really big such as the earth we live in. We must unite against deterioration of our environment before it’s too late." Miss Germany

If we lost the Earth, it would be like, losing your dog, only much, much worse? Oh wow. BTW, all that thinking is making you go cross-eyed. MM

"When I was a kid I was lonely because I didn’t have many friends. I realized I had to make an effort to reach out and make friends. As a grown-up, I need to do something to reach out to our Mother Nature and care for her." Miss Greece

Miss Albania could have been your friend - if only you weren't so busy picking on her, that is. MM