"Dolphin obesity rates have soared in the past decade - with recent figures showing a quarter of all young dolphins are now overweight or obese,” a Government spokesperson said.
"This figure is unacceptable, which is why over the next four years,the Government will be spending $6.5 million on anti-obesity initiatives amongst smaller cetaceans. Our initiatives will include changing their diets from mackerel to garfish, and an education program.”
Translating for Reuters, a dolphin whisperer said an old dolphin told him that these days younger dolphins were spending less and less time doing tail stands and balancing balls on their noses, while expecting bigger and fatter rewards.
"Eee eee eee eee eeeh," the spokes-dolphin concluded.