Gallipoli - the musical reviewed

Some might say that if your aim is to portray the brutal reality of war, a musical is a very stupid idea - but not our very special guest theatre reviewer, Mr David Hicks. Rambunctuous adventurer, Mr Hicks was the subject of a sparsely attended musical, Honour Bound, directed by Nigel Jamieson. Mr Jamieson's latest production is the Sydney Theatre Company's Gallipoli. Take it away, David...

First of all, thanks to the ShadowLands for inviting me to the world premiere of Nigel Jamieson's debut with the Sydney Theatre Company. Just one question though - since he is using diary material in this play, why didn't he use my written records in Honour Bound? If he did, maybe he would have got some arses on seats. I guess it's because Jews have complete financial and media control in Australia.

Real jihad is possible just like before in the Prophet's day where martyrs die with a smile on their faces and their bodies stay smelling of beautiful perfume for weeks after death. Allah will use his servants to punish non-believers in this world. Islam will rule again but for now we must have patience we are asked to sacrifice our lives for Allahs cause why not? The only true Muslims are those fighting. I am now very well trained for jihad in weapons like anti-aircraft missiles.

But about the play: it was shit - I might as well have stayed at home killing Jews. But I must say, some of those NIDA chicks have nice tits.