Are you that special person who - weary from trudging the endless superhighways - just longs to camp next to a glorious oasis of the mind? Do you desire to explore new frontiers, splash in shared ideas, fill your belly with the refreshing fruits of inspiration, and bask in the gentle rays of fond reflection?
Well, you can fuck right off. This, my friends, is not that place. This place is... The ShadowLands.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that even after the end of the cold war, the Russians are still very keen to compete with their American rivals.
This may go some way to explaining the publicity for JoakimKrama, a black African immigrant who is running for a position as head of the Volgograd Municipal Government.
Not quite as impressive as a black American President you say? Perhaps. But the Russians seem to be proud that their candidate is much blacker than Barack Obama, even down to being (hard to believe, I know) - a watermelon salesman.
As Pravda somewhat less-than-tactfully puts it, "Local people joke that if he is elected, he will work like a slave for the region."