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Are you that special person who - weary from trudging the endless superhighways - just longs to camp next to a glorious oasis of the mind? Do you desire to explore new frontiers, splash in shared ideas, fill your belly with the refreshing fruits of inspiration, and bask in the gentle rays of fond reflection?

Well, you can fuck right off. This, my friends, is not that place. This place is... The ShadowLands.

Friday, May 30, 2008

What the Butler Saw: Part II

The butler of a prominent Australian continues this electrifying expose, exclusively for The ShadowLands.

Dear Diary,

I bid adieu to *Kelvin and his working family on that brisk autumn afternoon, with a spring in my step and the distinct smell of winter in the air. But it was more than winter, much, much more - it was the promise of a brand new day.

I knew that this was the opportunity of a lifetime and that I must move quickly. First, was the visit to Lowes menswear to purchase five tuxedoes and matching white gloves. Next, the trip to the kebab van to tell Mehmet the news. He took it as badly as I expected, exploding into obscenities, and propelling a fountain of Black and Gold garlic sauce in my direction.

In avoiding the white spray of foul-smelling goo, I very nearly ran into a ladder holding up the nearby service station proprietor who, hedging against possible fuel price rises, was adding 9 cents a litre to the price on the indicator board.

I was to be at the mansion at sunrise the next morning, and I could barely contain my excitement. I walked away into the dying afternoon light, knowing I could never be back.

To be continued...

* All names changed to protect the privacy of the very, very senior Australian official-and his working family.


Anonymous said...

MM, Is this really happening in Australia, I'm in Kiwi land and can't believe the spin Kevvvyy and his party are projecting.


stackja1945 said...

I can only answer for myself. Yes!!!
They spun into the election.
They spun in 'guvment'
They will soon spin out of control.

Minicapt said...

I don't think William Thomson, or any of his family, would stoop to such behavior; even if he was born in Belfast, and worked in Glasgow.,_1st_Baron_Kelvin


Margo's Maid said...

Right you are, mini - I can confirm the person in question is definitely not William Thomson 1st Baron Kelvin, the man best known for developing the absolute temperature scale - or his descendants...