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Are you that special person who - weary from trudging the endless superhighways - just longs to camp next to a glorious oasis of the mind? Do you desire to explore new frontiers, splash in shared ideas, fill your belly with the refreshing fruits of inspiration, and bask in the gentle rays of fond reflection?

Well, you can fuck right off. This, my friends, is not that place. This place is... The ShadowLands.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Exclusive: What the Butler Saw Part I

The ShadowLands is delighted to introduce a new segment by the butler of a prominent Australian. Unfortunately, due to a confidentiality agreement, we are unable to identify the employer of this butler, so all names have been changed.
Dear Diary,
I was surprised at first to get the call asking me to apply for this job, and even more surprised when the taxi took me down the long driveway of a mansion in Deakin. I met with the employer, *Kelvin, on a brisk autumn afternoon, with the weak Canberra sun glimmering through the weakening yellow leaves.

Further to my surprise, after a 30 minute discussion in which I admitted I had little experience in the world of butlering, Kelvin offered me the job and showed me around the 40-room Georgian revival style mansion, which is located in 4 and a half acres of landscaped grounds. Kelvin's family were as nice as anyone you could meet - as Kelvin said - the type of working family that you might meet in any Australian suburb.

Kelvin showed me to my quarters. At first I was taken aback by the cramped, windowless conditions under the stairs, but the room appears to be clean, and the six-figure salary package could not be ignored. While normally I would take a long time deliberating over such a major decision, I took one look at Kelvin and told him I would be delighted to accept the position. Licking his bottom lip, Kelvin said he was equally delighted to welcome me to start as soon as possible.

If it seemed I acted in haste, all the while my heart was beating fast about the prospect of telling Mehmet where he could stick his job in the kebab van. Could life get any better?

To be continued...

* all names changed to protect privacy of individuals involved


stackja1945 said...

"Licking his bottom lip, Kelvin"
"* all names changed to protect privacy of individuals involved"

And MM from a visit by the thought police.

Margo's Maid said...

Dammit, I hope I've changed enough of the details.

Nic said...

Keep at it MM. Both you and Kay have been writing some good stuff.

Francis H said...

I agree. I am amazingly impressed with the celebrities you get to write for you Margo's.

Although I have noticed that you are biased in favour of living celebrities.

I'm sure there's a word for that type of discrimination. Or should be.

stackja1945 said...

francis h
The newspapers print a lot of Orwellian newspeak.

kae said...

Margo's, how much do you have to pay those celebrities....

Do they accept mead?

How full is your cellar?

just askin'

RebeccaH said...

Uh oh. I see tragedy and tears ahead for the butler.