Unrest breaks out over GPI

REUTERS: International unrest has broken out following the release of the controversial Global Peace Index. In just one incident reported overnight, an argument about the Index turned ugly when Estonians and Latvians got it on in a series of stoushes. In a decisive end to the argument, it is understood that the Estonians had their asses kicked.

Meanwhile, celebrations have broken out in Papua New Guinea following their ranking, which puts them ahead of the United States of America. In a note left in a letterbox outside the home of the Prime Minister's Chief Security Guard's compound, the Prime Minister declared a national holiday, leading to a number of unconfirmed deaths from celebratory gunfire.