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Are you that special person who - weary from trudging the endless superhighways - just longs to camp next to a glorious oasis of the mind? Do you desire to explore new frontiers, splash in shared ideas, fill your belly with the refreshing fruits of inspiration, and bask in the gentle rays of fond reflection?

Well, you can fuck right off. This, my friends, is not that place. This place is... The ShadowLands.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What I've been thinking: with Cate Blanchett

The ShadowLands hasn't heard much lately from our environment correspondent and leading celebrity, Cate Blanchett, but this is about to be rectified. Take it away Cate.

It is a great honour, once again in my capacity as leading celebrity, Cate Blanchett to tell you how to think. Some of you may recall my last column at the ShadowLands, where I gave you some practical tips about how to behave on World Biodiversity Day.

Well, since that great day, I have been keeping a close eye on the environment by reading a lot of newspapers - and guess what - things are very, very bad. As we all know, warming will kill us all. But the environment is a place full of surprises, so the question is, how will it kill us?

All of the evidence seems to be that as our knowledge expands, if anything, nature is becoming more diverse, not less. New weird animals are being found all over the place. A new dolphin species here. A worm snake there.

Now we hear that gorillas are forming in large groups in Africa. Now rubber suits of Big Foots are showing up as some kind of diversionary tactic.

What I'm saying here folks is that mother Gaia is being warmed. Mother Gaia is not happy. In fact, mother Gaia is getting very, very pissed off about the warmness, and soon she shall have her revenge. We are about to be attacked and eaten by weird animals. See if I am wrong. Thank you.

1 comment:

blogstrop said...

I, for one, welcome our new translurexional overlords.