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Are you that special person who - weary from trudging the endless superhighways - just longs to camp next to a glorious oasis of the mind? Do you desire to explore new frontiers, splash in shared ideas, fill your belly with the refreshing fruits of inspiration, and bask in the gentle rays of fond reflection?

Well, you can fuck right off. This, my friends, is not that place. This place is... The ShadowLands.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Climate change submission: Part One

Time is rapidly running out to make your submission to the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme Green Paper. Margo's Maid will be making a submission on behalf of The ShadowLands and presents Part One here:

First of all, let me say straight up that I feel sorry for you guys in the Department of Climate Change Office. I really do.

Imagine waking up every morning in sub-freezing temperatures after having a couple too many merlots the night before, still haunted by the memories of a glorious weekend in Batemans Bay. Cappuccinos and friandes at the Starfish deli while the waters of the Clyde dance gently to the squawks of the sea-gulls. Then having some bendy bus regurgitate you onto the steps of the John Gorton Building (pictured above). Fair dinkum, building designs like this have been rejected for use in the Gulags on account of being too grim.

Then you have to face up to the usual crew of workmates – ugly as a hatful of arseholes, and not much more useful... And your job is what? Trying to stop the world from getting warmer? And it turns out, anything you do will make no difference, because Australia produces one and three fifths of bugger all of world emissions. Trust me - I feel for you.

But, about this carbon trading emissions scheme. One of the big questions about the scheme is whether or not Australia should be an early adopter of this scheme. On this subject, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd told ABC radio in Canberra:

But Australia is not the hottest continent. That honour goes to Africa. In fact, Australia is not even the second hottest continent – South America is hotter. The reasons for this are simply that around 75 per cent of the continental land mass of Africa is in the tropics, and around 60 per cent of South America.

If you want confirmation of this, look at a map, or go here which will give you a graphic representation of the comparative temperatures any time of day, and you will find that Australia blushes but Africa and South America burn with red. Still not sure? Travel to Africa or South America and step out of the plane.

It turns out that Australia is not the driest continent either. That honour goes to Antarctica. But further than that, did you know that Australia ranks second amongst continents for renewable fresh water resources per capita? Only South America, thanks to the force of nature that is the mighty Amazon River, outranks us.

I wrote to Kevin Rudd to explain the source of his repeated claim that Australia is the hottest and driest continent some months ago, and he is yet to respond. If, as Kevin believes, Australia must act quickly because we are the hottest and driest continent, it surely follows that we need not act quickly, because we really are not the hottest or driest continent.

On the ABC television show Q and A, Minister for Climate Change Penny Wong said “It depends what chart you are looking at, but Australia or the United States are either first or second for carbon emissions per capita.”

Google it. I defy anyone to find a chart that shows Australia or the United States as first and second on the chart for global emissions per capita. I wrote to Penny Wong weeks ago to explain the source of this claim, and she is yet to respond.

All of which begs the question: why are the Prime Minister and the Minister for Climate Change telling big fat bulbous lies about Australia’s position on carbon emissions?...

to be continued


daddy dave said...

I'm sure they will read your submission with joy and affection.

infidel tiger said...

Your submission will be as well received as a gentlemen caller at Ms. Wong's digs.