How not to offend Muslims: Your guide

Here is a modest selection of things that have been banned or at least strongly discouraged in western countries, so as not to offend Muslims:

* Wearing bikinis in Helsinki parks

* Applying regular planning rules in Virginia

* Gathering intelligence in mosques

* Maintaining dress rules in Maine prisons

* Not allowing prayer breaks at work in Minnesota

* Sending un-Islamic mail to US defence force personnel

* Having shopping malls without prayer rooms

* Reciting the pledge of allegiance in Oregon

* Keeping the name of your Ukrainian nightclub

* Sitting next to a girl in a Rotterdam theatre

* Wearing shorts at Magic Mountain on Muslim Day

* Being unaware of Islam in Houston

* Criticising terrorists at Lake Superior University, Michigan

* Going to the gym whenever you like in Minneapolis

* Swimming whenever you like in Oregon

* Having Labor Day off in Shelbyville, Tennessee

* Writing or publishing books about Mrs Mo in England

* Holding architecture exhibitions in Brussels

* Using sniffer dogs without booties in the United Kingdom

* Watching Davis Cup tennis in Malmo, Sweden

* Playing Cliff Richard in Basingstoke

* Promoting the Football World Cup

* Obeying hygiene rules in English hospitals

* Saying that you refuse to kneel to Islam

* Serving rum flavoured ice-cream to British prisoners

* Publishing cartoons in Denmark

* Mocking terrorists in South Africa

* Keeping the name of a 300-year-old pub in Birmingham

* Eating in front of Muslims during Ramadan in Scotland

* Commemorating the murder of Israeli athletes during the London Olympics

* Defending Israel's military exploits

* Displaying Israeli flags in Germany

* Eating in a New Zealand cafe if you are Israeli

* Eating or drinking during council meeting during Ramadan at council meetings in East London.

* Talking about "freedom", "religious freedom" or "tolerance" in America

* Keeping dress rules for policewomen in Leicestershire, factory workers in New Brighton, and hairdressers in North London

* Advertising the police phone number in Scotland

* Broadcasting images of muslim women driving in South Africa

* Keeping the name of your cricket team in Middlesex

* Using passport photos with bare shoulders in Sheffield

* Defending Christianity on Glasgow radio

* Advertising Easter plays in Rotherham, England

* Allowing conservatives to speak at the London School of Economics

* Mentioning pigs in Norwegian fairytales

* Allowing politicians who are against Islamic immigration into England

* Using all the lines in a 16th century play in London

* Having baked ham for Christmas in Port Hedland, Western Australia

* Having regular school holidays in Florida

* Wearing St George Cross tie pins in British prisons

* Bathing topless in Australia

* Allowing some bloggers to attend the Democratic Convention

* Telling the story of the "Three Little Pigs" in Britain

* Providing piggy banks in England

* Allowing female police to arrest men in Norway

* Singing the lyrics to Killing an Arab anywhere

* Taking your guide dog with you in Melbourne

* Speaking out about slavery

* Practicing military exercises in Swedish suburbs

* Displaying novelty pig calendars and toys in London

* Playing the Australian national anthem at a Brisbane school

* Criticising Islam at all

Now if you can all remember these few things, I expect we can all get along just fine.

(With acknowledgment to the Amboy Times and Israel military forum for many links. Other examples welcome in comments.)